A client of mine is also a friend. We saw each other at the weekend and apparently my comments about his work issue were slightly less than subtle.
Allegedly I’d told him to get over himself.
I can believe this. I’d been to lunch… I’d drunk some wine… you get the picture.
It got me thinking that ‘get over yourself’ is a comment I make to myself a lot—and I find it really helpful because it prompts me to take action. I use it with my clients, too—although I hope I’m more gentle with my delivery!
We often resist doing new things; anything that puts us slightly out of our comfort zones, can make us want to step back. Of course, we can spend time and energy figuring out what’s holding us back and developing strategies to improve our chances of success. Yes! And at some point we just need to get over ourselves.
For instance if we:
- expect people to invite us to lead that project
- decline the speaking slot because we’re not ready (read ‘perfect’)
- send an email instead of picking up the phone
We’re probably focussing on the negative, so I recommend a more positive reframe:
- I feel overlooked! Why haven’t they chosen me already?
REFRAME: Probably no one realises my background and experience, so I’ll volunteer and explain what makes me the right fit.
- I’m not sure I’m good enough for a long slot at a prestigious conference.
REFRAME: I’ve got something of genuine value to say on that topic and the audience would probably welcome my perspective.
- What if they reject me?
REFRAME: My product has genuine value and could be exactly what they’re looking for, so I can call to respectfully introduce them to it.
These reframes take us from feeling offended, unsure or insecure to fully in our power and open to possibility. Sure, we still might be rejected, but we’ll never get that useful feedback if we never take action.
- Where do I need to get over myself?
- What reframe would be helpful?
- What am I going to do about that? By when?
- What help could I enlist?
- How might I reward myself having done it?
Do let me know how you get on.